I’ve decided I’m going to look at new year’s resolutions in a new way…no longer with the same, shallow intensity as previous years. My resolution every year is usually to lose weight. I don’t smoke, I’m not an alcoholic (maybe a wino…does that count?), don’t have a drug addiction…and since I’m really not considered overweight (unsatisfied and mentally warped doesn’t count as overweight does it?) I’m not making my new year’s resolutions about me this year. Which actually feels quite strange. Selling our book isn’t really a resolution because it’s simply going to happen…it’s all in God’s master plan; I’m sure of that. I don’t want a better house, I don’t need to get promoted…I really don’t want any more toys so to speak. So why do I not feel more satisfied? Why do I not feel my life is already perfect, nothing needs to change? Well…because life and happiness aren’t about material things. It isn’t about being thinner, or hotter, or more successful. If you noticed, all the things I named above are based solely on materialistic views.
So, what do I want for 2012? What do I need for my soul to feel complete?
I want more quality time with my family. I want more time to write, to pour my soul out on paper and transform into the magic it does when I’m alone and have the time to do it. I want more valuable time with my children. I need more time.
Since having Clayton, our schedule is more jam packed, and crazier than ever. I feel like we rush from home in the morning to daycare, work, then rush home again to simply cook dinner, bath time…reading and bed. And like Kenny Chesney says (and no, I’m not really a Chesney fan)…don’t blink. Before you know it, it will be all gone.
How do I provide more quality family time, when we simply don’t have the time? What do I cut out? What do I shave from to get the time? What is less important? Or, here’s a thought I ponder: Is it about making more time, or simply enjoying & savoring the time I already have…more?
My dad recently told me being a grandfather is so great because he finally can sit down, and enjoy spending time with the kids. He doesn’t have to rush to work…and he knows how sacred those moments are because they are gone in a flash. How do I get that grandparent mentality?
Whatever the answer is…I’m determined to end 2012 knowing that I at least savored those special times with my children…that first real sentence from Clayton. Baking with Callie…watching them put together a puzzle or coloring a picture. It may be only a few moments…but I want to treasure those special memories for eternity. Look back and know that while I may not have had the time of most mothers…I equally enjoyed the time I did have.