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Is baby-making making you crazy?

I have never fondled my breasts so much in my entire life.  I’m not even sure my husband has.

All of the articles I’ve read, and symptom posts for early pregnancy signs I’ve seen, all say sore boobs are at the top of the list.  Just a few days after DTD (***For our list of  pregnancy and fertility acronyms, please go to the end of this post.***), I poked my girls thinking, “Do they hurt?”

“How about now?” and I’d poke again.  Nothing.  I’m 11 DPO in my TWW and my boobs are very sore.  But I can’t tell if they’re sore because I’m expecting or because I can’t stop harassing them.

I didn’t realize, until now, that trying trying to conceive could make a woman so nuts!

I’ll admit I’m a lucky woman. I already have two handsome, amazing sons.  With my boys, we had gotten off of birth control and was letting nature take its course.  In the second month, my oldest was conceived.  There was no obsessing, no charting, no temping—no craziness.  I woke up one morning, realized AF had never come and voila: I was pregnant!  My son was six months old when I found out I was pregnant again.  My only sign then was just not feeling “normal” – and when I tested, I was already 8 weeks pregnant.

My husband and I have always talked about going for a third.  In August, I got a feeling that I was ready to try.  So I told him, and he climbed on board the baby making train (figuratively and literally).  And since I’m not getting any younger, I’ve signed up for this crazy game of TTC.  And trust me, it’s a game.  A game that is supposed to be fun, but somehow turns into an addiction and the only rehab is a BFP.

I bought a basal thermometer (which comes with a handy dandy chart) and have BabyCenter’s Ovulation Calculator bookmarked.  That first month, I was fairly certain it’d take just one try and we only DTD once during the 48 hours prior to my supposed ovulation date.  Afterwards, I propped my backside up on a couple of pillows and laid in a 90 degree angle for two episodes of Friends reruns.  I knew we had just made a baby.

And then the obsession began.

Every single twinge of pain or discomfort sent me in a tizzy.  Is that a sign? What about that? As I got closer to 10 DPO, I found myself typing into Google “10 DPO symptoms.”  And then I’d scan symptoms for an hour, looking for the exclamation of BFP by each woman who had the same symptoms as me. I’d feel satisfied when someone was feeling the way I was. Disheartened when they didn’t list one of my symptoms.  Taking my temperature, checking my CM…it all became a regular part of my day during this two week waiting period.  No pun intended.

Last month, AF came four days later than I expected.  I was bummed, but ready to take the challenge this month!  I bought an OPK and used all seven until I saw that beaming smiley face that might as well have said out loud, “you got this one girl…go grab your man!”  Of course, with two boys running around the house, we’d have to wait.  Finally, the boys were nestled all snug in their beds, while visions of sweet lovin’ danced in our heads. We did it.  And just like in Groundhog Day where Bill Murray’s character finds himself reliving a day in his life over and over again, I lay propped on my pillows, watching Friends reruns.  I even grabbed my iPhone and watched BabyCenter’s fertilization video, seriously.  I think I watched it twice, believing I had started the process that will be a new life.  And my daydreams began again.

One week later, at seven DPO, I tried not to obsess.  I was in more control this time around, because I saw the madness it brought me last month.  So I only got online a couple of times per day.  But with each passing day past ovulation, I found myself being sucked in to the world of online baby-maker hopefuls. Woman from all across the world are posting their symptoms for each and every day of these two weeks. Some follow up with a BFN and a sad face.  Others with a BFP and a great big smiley face and *hugs* from other members.  Some you can tell right away they got their BFP because in their post they it’s their first time TTC and the post went up October 23, 2010 and today’s profile picture is a healthy and happy four-year-old.

I walk by a dumpster and feel nauseous by the smell.  That’s totally a symptom; why else would that smell so bad!

I am craving food like crazy.  Couldn’t be that I skipped dinner last night.

I’m irritable when my husband complains about wasting food. Doesn’t that always make me irritable? But when you’re TTC, you can turn almost every single moment into a sign.

At 11 DPO, I felt crampy and had spotting.  I knew that AF was on her way and I texted the only friend I was talking to about this.  Oh no!  I wrote.  She convinced me to wait it out.  It ain’t over until AF actually arrives.

The waiting.

Tick tock.

Two weeks has NEVER felt so long.

DTD. Pray. Test.

Wash. Rinse. Repeat.

If you get a BFN, you have to wait two more weeks to try again.  And then two more weeks to find out. This world of TTC is maddening and is not for the weak of heart.  But babies are worth it.  And if you do have to play the game, have fun with it and try not to become obsessed.  Remember, stress affects conception.  Or maybe I just read that.  Good luck to you!

Pregnancy and Fertility Acronyms

  • AF – Aunt Flow (your period; menses)
  • BFN – Big Fat Negative (Negative Pregnancy Test)
  • BFP – Big Fat Positive (Positive Pregnancy Test)
  • CM – Cervical Mucus
  • DPO – Days Past Ovulation
  • DTD – Doing the Dance, sex
  • OPK – Ovulation Predictor Kit
  • TTC – Trying To Conceive
  • TWW – Two Week-Wait (the waiting period between ovulation and your period)

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