Or rather the nightmare that keeps on giving…
The great thing about being a writer is the ability to write about whatever you want, and whomever you want. I have a gift that also proves to be therapeutic in nature. So if you are my friend, or you date me, or you are in some way a part of my life…know that you will and could be at any time subjected to being written about. Luckily most of the people in my life are awesome, and I’d only have great things to say.
I must start out by saying I’ve been cheated on only by two people. Some girls aren’t as lucky, and they get a string of douches. The guy in high school I don’t really count because we were both young and stupid and I got his amazing mom and sister out of the deal, so I chalk that up to being just that-young and dumb. The other more recent relationship was enough cheating to last me a lifetime. I’m good now Karma –thanks.
Why do men cheat? In high school, I thought it was because I was inadequate. Not pretty enough, not skinny enough, not smart enough. I was insecure all the way around. That relationship taught me a lot about myself, and just how downright selfish human beings could be. I moved on, and married someone who is the farthest thing from a cheater. Unfortunately that relationship didn’t work out, but it taught me that there are men who have the ability to keep it in their pants. So why do men cheat? This last relationship gave me an eye opening look at why this happens.
First of all, the desire to feel desired is the most amazing thing in the world. The desire to be pursued, even better. So women continually fall for men –even knowing they’re in relationships, to get that immediate fulfilling feeling of I’m amazing because he’s working so hard to get me. I must be special. It makes it so easy for them! The ugliest dude in the world could get Carmen Electra because we as women have become a society of insecure, needy human beings. The other day, after finding out that my now ex had been sleeping with numerous girls while he was with me (without protection, mind you-then coming home and sleeping with me) I took a long look in the mirror. I’ve done this a few times this last two years, as I went through a divorce that while amicable, had a few hairy parts. In my reflection, I saw a beautiful, independent, successful woman. I saw a kind-hearted person who generally sees the best in people (which sometimes it bites me in the ass). I saw a mom, a friend, a fighter…a driven human being that wants nothing more than love, peace, happiness, continued success, and the end to child sex slavery/molestation/abuse. Off topic I know, but I’m extremely passionate about it.
The girl in this mirror does not get cheated on. But guess what? It doesn’t matter if you look like a million bucks and make a six figure income and are a bestselling author (okay, it was only Amazon, but I’m working on the Times people)…it doesn’t matter how perfect you are for the other person. It doesn’t matter if you are the most amazing person they’ve ever met. It’s not about you, and it is. It doesn’t matter if a cheater is dating a supermodel. A cheater is going to cheat, a player is going to play (hello next boyfriend, you’ve now met the coach), a hater’s going to hate. Just saying.
The root of the reason men cheat is because they are horny, and insecure. But mostly, men cheat because we as women have allowed them to do so. We’ve allowed them to think they can flirt and cross the line even though they’re married. Because it feels good to feel wanted. Often we haven’t set clear boundaries, and these men have no problems crossing those imaginary lines. We’ve allowed them to continue by forgiving them when it’s done to us, after hearing “it will never happen again” one too many times. Men cheat because they can see our insecurities on our shoulders like flashing red signs that say “Please like me! Please give me attention!” Men cheat because we as the opposite sex have let them do so, for years and years. This is where we have everything to do with why men cheat.
Because we so strongly seek approval and attention, even some of the strongest women I know feed off of this…we subject ourselves continuously to the callous individuals who feed off of it. Why else would I not have seen all those bright red flags that waved like beacons when I started dating the disease waiting to happen? Because it felt good after my failed marriage to feel good again. Because I was filling a void in my life that my marriage had once filled. Because it felt so great to feel wanted and chased. Even though I didn’t need anyone or even know for sure yet that I wanted anyone. Once you get sucked into that trap of liking and accepting the attention, there’s no going back. He read all my weaknesses “why do you work out so much, you look fabulous!” “Why are you even talking to me? You are so much better than me.” “I can’t believe you published a book, that’s so cool.” Love letters, emails, cards, surprises, flowers, constant lovey texts. Fuck girls, they’re good. Trust me. Much better than we give them credit for. Here’s your credit fuckface, it’s the only one you’re getting –so eat that shit up.
I will not be defined by a person with terrible character that is so insecure he has to talk to multiple girls to make himself feel better. I will not be defined by someone who is a pro at living multiple lives. I will not be defined because I cared about someone who turned out to be a total nightmare in my life. I will not be defined by this small failure. I will only be defined by lives I hope to touch and change by my writing, by my successes, by my triumphs, by my children and their amazing path in life I help guide. By the path I myself now lead; and not the road I’ve left behind. Fuck that windy bitch anyway, I’m out.
Here’s to my second, new beginning (or fourth or fifth). The glass is still half full bitches, cheers!