Mommoisseurs : Recipes | Wine | Camaraderie

Recipes | Wine | Tips & Tricks | Camaraderie | #momlife

The Seven Year Itch

The million dollar question is: what makes the difference between the happy marriage and the so-so marriage.  And, how far from so-so are you to the miserable marriage?  Haven’t we all been there?  We said our vows with a smile on our face and determination etched in our minds.  We swore we’d never be the “ones” who failed; we’d succeed and why wouldn’t we?  We were in love!
I call it the seven year itch.  Only because a close friend of mine explained it.  She said, after seven years, you get the itch.  You get the itch to test out new waters, to question why you said your “I do’s”  in the first place; the itch to wonder period.
I remember, as a newlywed, looking at her like she was crazy.  The itch?  What the hell is she talking about?  I married the greatest guy in the world!  Duh…there would be no itch here, thank you very much!
Okay, Earth to Trina, you weren’t born on a perfect planet and you definitely aren’t going to die on one.  Your marriage, just like everyone else’s, is susceptible to pain, heartache, and many other problems.  But not failure.  There will be no failure here.
Two years went without a hitch, hooray!  I was still in newlywed bliss.  Three years? Ha, no serious issues here!  We’d be celebrating our 80th before you know it! Five years…well, maybe a bit of “not enough sex” from the hubby and “he doesn’t help enough around the house” from me, but for the most part, marital bliss.  Year seven?  okay, now it’s time to re-evaluate.
Do I truly believe that there is a certain time frame that a marriage can fall into serious downturn?  No…that’s so a load of crap.  What I do believe is, we all disconnect from the marriage at some point, usually when we are comfortable and used to one another.  I’m not saying disconnect like in Indecent Proposal, where we take our marriage vows to some un-matrimonial place.  We just…leave for a while.  Mentally.
He will say “Once we got married, we stopped having sex as much”.  She will say, “Once we had children, I got exhausted.  And, you stopped cherishing me as much.”  He will say, “Well, if you stopped nagging me all the time, I would show you more appreciation and help you more,” and you will say,  “If you stopped being so lazy I’d stop nagging!”
It’s an endless cycle where we are all pissed-off, nobody is having sex, and none of us are really feeling the love for one another.  We’ve forgotten that at one time we were a team, and now we are on the opposing side rather than partners.  This, my friends, is the seven year itch.
I don’t have all the answers, the cure-alls; the fix-it’s.  All I know is, I try to find a babysitter when I feel so angry I think splitting up is actually somewhat reasonable.  It’s funny, it takes about an hour or two of no kids pulling on my clothes, interrupting my every word…and the quiet….and I’m back to my old self again, or at least, almost there.   My husband and I can talk and we actually have fun.  We realize, oh yes, there is a reason we like one another, we did fall in love at one time.
Ultimately, there will be ups and downs.  Wonderful times and the inevitable ruts.  Take each day one at a time, committing to make it through to the end.  Choosing this path will keep you one step closer to being on the positive side of that nasty divorce statistic.  I know that I’m going to be really saggy and gray at some point, probably sooner rather than later.  My husband loves me for me, even through the aging and frumpiness all mothers endure.  And even through the stressful times, I plan on loving him like that too.  Real life, plain and simple includes the good, the bad and the ugly.

Print Friendly

Related Posts

You Might Also Like

Rooster: Our Newest Family Member

Or…Not Doing It All

The New Age of Dinosaurs

A Fabulous Epp Family Christmas

The Down & Dirty on True Whole Grain

Finding Your Own Identity as a Mommy

Happy 2nd birthday to my baby boy!

Body image & the world of parenting

Dear Lord

Reason #6 • I continue to set unreasonable expectations for myself…and therefore I often fail.

What is it with bad boys anyway?

Home James Home

My Guilty Pleasure: The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills

Cardinal Rule #1: Thou shalt not sleep in thy mother’s bed

Keeping Up with the Cleavers…or Not So Much

Another Embarrassing Pediatrician Story

A party fit for a 2-year-old

And…now he’s 3

Different kids, different ages, different stages…It’s all good!

Autism Pirate

The Fall of a Legendary Football Coach…and More

Working Mommies: It’s Time to Let Go of The Guilt!

The road to success is lined with many tempting parking spaces

Enjoying the beautiful things in life

Sister Wives ~ Paving the Way for Plural Marriage Acceptance?

A Valentine’s Broken Heart

The end to an epic summer

The terrible twos begin…

Who gets sick on vacation, anyway?

Mommy, that dream catcher you gave me doesn’t work!

The Wedding of a Lifetime

Saving/Budgeting…It’s Easier Than I Thought!

Why you should take responsiblity for your child’s success in school

Creating your own hybrid family

Wine: How much is too much?

Doing it All

Finally! The Jones Family is Back…

Mother’s Day around the world

Are We Seriously Already Having This Conversation?

Skinny girls are not glamour girls

Why do boys have tails?

What Is It You Fiending For?

Starbucks anyone?

Bossy Mommy

The gift of giving: Our first contribution to our charities

Cheese Stuffed Beef Rolls

Everyday Skillet Lasagna

The Heavy: A Mother, a Daughter, A Diet – A Mother Goes to Extremes

Wine Review: Pacific Rim Riesling

Babysitting woes & Eric Church

Squashing this all-American dream

Kiddos & plane rides = Disaster

What I’ve Learned from New Years Resolutions

Reason #33: How Do I Explain Death to My Baby?

The Precious Age of 6

Is it Colic, Acid Reflux, or Cow’s Milk Protein Allergy?

Reason #1 ~ I am a Good Mother! Cheers!

Happy Birthday Callie Jo!

Why moms shouldn’t get sick

Optimistic? Or just plain ol’ dumb parenting?

Old friends and road trippin’

A NEW New Years Resolution

Our book cover: God closes one door and opens another

Katrina & Leah: The story of us

Being Charitable has NEVER Been Easier

Penn State Scandal~It’s Time for Mommies to Take a Stand

The people who say you can’t

National Moms Relaxation Day: A day of pure indulgence

How did I forget that potty training sucks?

Preschool Graduation

Reason #39: I’m Pretty Sure Everyone Has Seen or Touched My Boobs Now

Man publicly shames 3-Year-old daughter

There’s No Such Thing as a Modest Mother

Desperate times call for desperate measures

Memorial Day 2012

Another Easter…A New Spring

The New Era of Babysitting

Thanks to ALL OF YOU!

Give It Up Ladies-No Mom is Perfect!

Monster in Pink

What moms want from a President

Then there was Kindergarten…

Here I go again…Models & Photoshop


  1. Brower Family

    November 1, 2011 at 11:47 pm

    We are in year seven and it has been a bit more difficult than the others. Throw in THREE kids now, some added expenses without added income and just busy life and there you have it. But we are determined to stay in love through it all. He still makes me laugh until I cry, and I still scratch his back every night so he can fall asleep. (He probably wouldn’t like that I just told you that.) Oh well. I am grateful to know that there are other couples out there who are just as determined as we are. Marriage is such an amazing gift. I just need to remember to cherish that gift every day!! Thanks for the great post!

  2. Anonymous

    November 1, 2011 at 7:17 pm

    Great post! Sure, people told me marriage would be hard or challenging, but I never thought they meant MY marriage. I’m learning that it’s how you do deal with it as just part of the path down a long and winding-often bumpy-road. Hold your breath (and work a little) through the tough stuff, and surely you’ll see the brighter side again and again and again.

Leave a Reply