Throughout the years after, I learned how to battle the scale. I no longer could eat whatever I wanted, and I needed to workout to maintain my weight-this was a difficult task at first. I went on my first diet in middle school. I was active in sports, so working out wasn’t an issue, but staying fit was definitely on the forefront of my brain. Finally after high school I figured out my body chemistry and my happy medium between eating healthy and working out. Just when I found the formula that worked for me, I watched my friends that had never had to worry about it complain about the increasing number on the scale. Their metabolisms had finally started slowing too, yet they were in their 20’s and hadn’t had years of learning to fight it like I had. For once, I was thankful for my early years of battling the scale…because with the experience, I’d become a fighter and could spend the best years (thus far) of my life being fit and fabulous after having two children.
I recently spent a week in Punta Cana with three girlfriends who do not have children, have not been married, and are in their late 20’s. I am 33, divorced, and have two kids. Definitely in a different part of my life; however welcomed the opportunity to do something I’d never had the chance to because I got married young and immediately had kids. It was an experience that I wanted to try, and welcomed the fact I got to be in a bikini because I felt so confident and excited about the fact I look as amazing as I do after everything.
I arrived with a suitcase and the excitement of a 20-something yo girl. Yes, I had children and a lucrative career at home; but here I got to just be Trina. Trina that could afford a vacation like this and Trina that deserved to let loose, drink and party as desired. Hell, I’ve worked hard over the years, I thought to myself. I’m driven, I don’t give up, I don’t accept defeat. I deserve this trip!
I think in that seven days, I spent 95% of the time in a bathing suit. I felt beautiful, sexy, amazing…and strong. I felt proud of my body. Yes, it wasn’t nearly as perky or perfect as it was prior to kiddos. But I had a six pack of sorts, thin legs, a nice butt; fit arms. I had a drink… and a grin on my face from ear to ear. This trip was about me.
I also got a few negative messages: Wow, do you really need to plaster pictures of you in your bikini everywhere? What do you think people will think of you partying with a bikini and being a mom? People are going to judge you! Don’t you care about your image with your career? At first, it made me feel shitty. I was like, wow, maybe that was a bad call. I mean, I seldom thought twice about stuff that was posted on fb and I knew I needed to be more careful. I am a mom, and I do care about my image and reputation. I don’t want people to perceive me as something I am not.
I struggled between that and being proud…and a bit stubborn. I didn’t get offended by other people’s choices in their posts. Why the hell had mine caused so much attention? I then remembered showing my daughter Callie some of my pictures. I remembered thinking that I was proud to show my 8-yo that being a mom didn’t mean I had a wear a one piece to the pool. Or that if I did, it was because I’d chosen to and not because society had made me feel inadequate. That being confident with your body-even with the battle wounds of two pregnancies; was possible as a mom. That just because I had bore two children, didn’t mean I couldn’t take fun, beautiful vacations where I enjoyed myself and focused solely on me. I did a lot of thinking on the matter and I came to the following conclusion: Either the people that were offended were jealous; jealous I look amazing and they don’t in a bikini. Or, jealous that other people were looking at me. Or even-were haters that wished they were on a tropical vacation that they couldn’t afford or just couldn’t get away to.
No matter what the reason, none of the comments really had anything to do with me as a person.
I’m a great mom. Not your traditional mom, but I love my kids and struggle every day to make sure that I’m making decisions that’ll help their future. Me going on a vacation for seven days, drinking-and wearing a bikini doesn’t make me a bad mom…bad person, or anything negative. As a matter of fact, kudos to me for taking the time to go somewhere; focus on myself, and for looking and feeling great enough to wear a swimsuit and rock it. If anything, that confidence is something to be spoken about in a positive light.
To all you mommas that have the confidence to wear a bikini still, you ladies keep rocking and killing it. To all you mommas that are confident yet don’t feel comfortable in a bikini; I admire you too. We should all do whatever it is that makes us happy and lifts us; and then support one another in doing so.
I’m going to look good and be healthy and focus on bettering myself well into my older years. I’ll not ever be ashamed of being anything other than myself. Which is a strong, successful, healthy and happy mom. Cheers to all you other awesome mommies out there!