I don’t care what anyone says, modern day mommies are the head of households. They make schedules happen, meal plans happen, often times do the grocery shopping, take care of the bills, make sure everyone has clean underwear, clean teeth and so forth. And some work full-time jobs too.
Men are so important, of course I have to say that. Often times they do help with household chores, the outdoor work, the car oil and so forth. They make important decisions and are the mainstay behind discipline. If I have car trouble or any mechanical issues I automatically start freaking out…because I know nothing. I call my husband and he’s calm, cool and collected and can normally fix any issue with me over the phone. He comes up with great problem solving ideas, and altogether is a great partner for me. I fly by the seat of my pants when needed; he plans everything with the utmost thought and care (even if it is last minute). But when it comes to the glue that holds the family together? That’s mommy, and I’m sure all men would agree with me.
So that’s why as mommies we can’t get sick. We have this maternal instinct when our children are sick to care for and baby them. Men don’t have a maternal instinct. So when we get sick, we are wasting our time beating our (hurting) heads against a wall wondering why they won’t take care of us like our moms did. They are asking us when dinner will be done, or should they just go pick something up (hint, hint, will you cook)? Rather than shoot invisible darts at them with your eyes, remember they have never been moms. That’s why when they are sick, they act like babies. They had their mommies to care for them! We did too, but now…our mommies are gone. We are the moms.
There are a few women who are reading this thinking my husband is so great, he waits on me hand and foot when I’m sick. Well if you aren’t newly wedded and you have children – you are lucky. The rest of you are reading this laughing or nodding because we’re all in the same boat.
On Monday I started having severe pain with my menstrual cycle. Since this happened with my last cycle, I was concerned. It wasn’t until I doubled over in pain and nearly threw up, my husband took me seriously. While he was being helpful, I could tell he truly didn’t understand my need to lie in bed all day. While that pain eventually subsided with pain medication; a severe throat and vomiting came on later. I heard him at one point hollering at the children to watch their movie while he watched his hunting show. I came unglued…
“You seriously want them to watch another minute of TV when you are going to go to work tomorrow with me feeling like crap and that’s all they are going to do? You are really going to watch hunting shows while the dishes are piled up in the sink and the kids made messes around you – knowing I will have to clean it all up later? Seriously?” I screamed at him, while I went in to get both our kids to play a learning card game. I was furious. He looked at me in dismay, then got up and did the dishes, and helped pick up. Later, he took the kids outside to play.
I think men just don’t get it in general. I do more around the house sick with kids in a day then he does if he’s watching them for a day perfectly healthy. He doesn’t cook or clean. He doesn’t remember to brush their teeth, and if he puts them to bed, usually only one of them gets a book. I come home to a disaster and he’s looking at me like, hello, I just had both kids! They just aren’t programmed to do what we do.
So rather than throw myself a little pity party knowing I’m destined to never be sick and pampered again (you’d think I’d know this after over 7 years of marriage), I have to come to grips with the fact that men aren’t women. They aren’t moms. Shannon, if he was nurturing like a woman, would fail in many other areas I need him to be manly in. I would plain not be attracted to someone who would rather run around the house and clean and cook than be outside shooting his bow or be in the outdoors in general. I also know many friend’s husbands who go out to guys night when their wives are sick. So if he’s home watching the hunting channel, that’s better than being out drinking beer somewhere – although I feel the need to say I wouldn’t be with someone who left me when I was sick to go out drinking beer…just sayin.
So I’ve decided to do as I always do, write to my other mommy friends and whine like we often do over a glass of wine together – why is it that mommies aren’t allowed to be sick? It’s not fair!